Sometimes I just want to stuck in that time when I had nothing to worry about.

About money, about responsibilities, expectations and making decisions.

To be free from being an adult and being that awkward teenager again when my issue was about my clothes and my weight and my face, nothing else.

To be quimsy and smiling about everything, but it’s hard nowadays when I see people are moving on without you, leaving you behind. Wondering and pitying myself, wishing will I ever be like them.

Just being able to let go of this misery that grasp you by your heart, telling you it will just fall apart and the only thing that soothes you is your dreams at night.

I am just feeling that everything that revolves around me is so staged and fake that sometimes I do feel like a cliché, hiding behind a mask, just smiling to everyone around you because you are so afraid to show your vulnerable side.

Because being vulnerable is like being exposed to a group of strangers. You can never anticipate the reactions from them whether they elicit or not, and that makes you nervous because you never go that unprepared in life.

Everyone has their own happiness while I grasp around reality that I am going to be alone in world with my silent phone, and silent notifications. No hope that he will ever find me in this messed up world.

It’s like being that emo kid singing Avril Lavigne song, just singing inside my room and bottling up my feelings while resent about my accomplishments.

I don’t feel accomplished. I don’t feel like I achieved something and I hate myself for it.

But people just don’t see that. People just don’t understand.

I guess I am really just alone in the world, alone with my imagination.

Good night. Sweet dreams.