Hardest Test so Far

When I stepped into medical school, the lecturers told me this will be the hardest test I could ever have. I never trusted them though because I saw, so many students have passed, how hard could it be?

Passing through my fourth year of Doctor of Medicine, I realized that it’s not the knowledge I fear of. All those midnight oil burned studying, all those cries colouring through my night succumbing, all those scorns of lecturers and doctors of me flying through my head, it is nothing to what I had now.

What is it about hypocrisy that people love so much? Is it the satisfaction of being able to torture someone so that they can bring you down? Sometimes, I just don’t trust my friends at all. But, sometimes I do.

It’s just so heart-breaking to see the ones that you are close to becomes os far away from me now.
And it’s because of them, I’m letting my other resposnibilities slide, because I keep thinking,

What could have been wrong?

So I stopped. I stopped believing in people, especially them.

I am so tired of putting my trust in someone, because I’m pretty sure 99% of them will smash me down to the ground again.

So when I stepped into medical school, the hardest test I could have is this test right now. The test of choosing my friends, my true friends who will always try to get me back up again when I’m fallen so hard right now.

But in the end, how would they know if I’m heartbroken if I have never shown it?

p/s sorry Abi. 

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